Systems For The Stressed Out Momma
“Motherhood is most likely the hardest thing you have ever done. So, make it easier on yourself and set up a system to autopilot those aggravations.”
Living frustrated is the biggest stealer of joy there ever could be. It’s a nagging pest that wants to linger around your daily activities and make them harder to accomplish. You know the feeling when you want to scream at the jar of pickles that won’t open and your kids are just staring at you like you are crazy. But you are not! So why then?! Why are we screaming at the pickles? Because doing something simple, in a state of frustration, makes you overstimulated with just the little push of a button. So that stupid pickle jar is taking all the brunt of it. And the watching eyes are causing major anxiety on to of it all as we are trying to be a good example to them. Was the pickle jar the problem? Probably not. So, what is?
STEP ONE - IDENTIFY THE FRUSTRATION
Sometimes we are frustrated and it's hard to know why because it's an emotion triggered easily and it floods you quickly. It can be compounding little things not easily recognizable until your lid absolutely flips. It’s easy to walk around aggravated and not even realize the cause. You are just plain, IN. A. BAAAD MOOD. And it seems like more energy than it's worth to figure it out.
START BY ASKING QUESTIONS
What is the actual aggravation? Is it really the kids, the husband, the pickle jar, or is it something else and they are just the cherry on top innocently making it worse.
EXAMPLE: MY KIDS ARE HORRIBLE IN THE MORNING WHILE GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL!!!
Are they having bad behavior, or is it hard for them to find clothes, know what the next step without direction, confused about where items are because they are never in the same spot?
See how that works. It seems like the kids are frustration but really it's the fact that you can’t find what you need, you don’t have a plan communicated, and you are counting on them to do something that is a several step process early in the morning.
So what’s the real problem? You need a system to AUTOMATE THE AGGRAVATION AWAY. Sounds dreamy, right? Can't it really happen after years of yelling about the same things? YEP!
We are often guilty of living with the same aggravations day in and day out. Why? Probably because it feels like it will require more energy than you have to fix the problem so you’d rather just deal with it. But, there is a moment where a Momma has JUST HAD ENOUGH! If you are there let’s take your reoccuring pain points in your day and sort them out into a system that will help you love your home life.
ACTION - ON A PIECE OF PAPER OR NOTE ON YOUR PHONE IDENTIFY THE BIGGEST PAIN POINTS IN YOUR DAY TO DAY LIFE.
These will be the problems that are on repeat. What are you always having to tell your kids? What are you encountering a lot during your day? It could be a behavior, a time of the day, a task, or a cluttered area in your home. What are the biggest pain points?
EXAMPLES - Bed time, eating healthy foods, finding shoes, doing homework, knowing where your keys and wallet are, packing lunches, brushing hair, cleaning rooms, doing dishes, personal items always missing, cluttered area in your home, picky eaters, obsessive snacking, trash everywhere, failing a school subject, communication between spouses, stairs are clogged with things, the floor is full of stuff, can't find clothes for work, mail is piling up, bottles are always dirty, can't find kids lunch boxes. It can be ANYTHING AGGRAVATING.
If it were me a couple years ago starting this process, I would choose my son's eating habits, shoes always missing, lack of communication with spouse, and kids cleaning their room. Those are the main aggravations happening on repeat. Now, I would take one at a time and move forward with the next few steps and repeat for each area.
Hopefully by now you see the need to regain the boundaries on some areas that have not been serving you.
STEP TWO - SET UP A SYSTEM
This is actually way easier than you think. There is no secret sauce here. Just a few practical things to do.
Decide what supplies you need to make it happen
Containers, shelfs, labels, and charts can be helpful but are not required. Get creative with what you already have. A lot of times you already have things that just need to be repurposed. Don’t let expense keep you from doing the thing! It can be fancy or it can be a piece of scrap paper duct taped to the wall. Im serious! Just get it done hon!
Clear the space in a physical area needed.
For example you might need wall space or floor space depending on the work you have ahead. Think about where the system can best serve your family. Where was the problem taking place?
For example. Do shoes keep getting piled by the door? If that's the natural place they are falling, then give it a boundary and some rules in that spot.
Like -SHOE BENCH RULES
- only one pair of shoes per person can belong here at a time
- The rest will go to your closet
- No other items belong here
If you are thinking “yeah right, my husband and kids won't do that '' DON'T WORRY we will get to that step next.
Recap!
Set up needed items. Make it simple and easy to use. Make it visible and attainable. Don’t complicate things. Done is so much better than perfect.
Decide on clear rules and boundaries you want in place. You can display these if needed.
THE MOST IMPORTANT PART! This is the make or break for your effort.Let’s talk about how to adjust the people in your home to the system.
STEP 1. Present your solution with reason
This will sound like “We will now be using this system. The reason I have put in the effort creating this is because I would like to spend more of my energy on YOU and less on having to deal with this issue every day. It means you get more of my time, attention, and affection when I don't have to be the only one caring about this problem. I love you and I’m sorry I have been upset in the past. Its time to make it right. Would you be willing to help me? Would you be willing to be part of the solution?"
As a moment of honesty I have come to my family from the point of forcing them in the past. I have failed many systems because I started them negatively and demanded people cooperate with my way of doing things. Trust me, it works much better when you ask, apologize, and offer how it can help them to help you.
STEP 2. Get on the same page
This will sound like “Everyone will have the same rules to follow. EVEN ME! I Give you permission to remind me to use this system just like I will remind you. For example…If I don’t put my shoes on the rack then you get to kindly help me remember to do it. And I'll help you remember, okay? Would that be something we can do for each other? Key word is kindly!
When bringing in a spouse on the matter really take the time to let them know how this system will benefit your relationship.
This will sound like “Babe, I know you have seen me upset lately about a,b, or c. But I want you to know I’m making a change that will help all of us. It will help me to have more time for you, be less emotionally drained out, and be able to tend to your needs more. Would it be something you are willing to do to help make sure everyone is helping use this system daily?
Get where I’m going? When it benefits them they will be much more likely to follow through. Which will in turn benefit you.
PRO TIP - Consider creating a reward to help them form the habit! Let everyone know that you will be watching and rewarding. Don’t forget to praise them for good behaviors. More than you are looking for them to do it wrong you want to be looking for them to do it RIGHT! AND make a big deal about it! Cheer, clap, grab them up and squeeze them. Affirm the action you want them to take.
There are two roles in a system that make it function long term.
Role One is the USER
THE USERS are the people daily using the area and following the general rules and boundaries set up. They are responsible for doing the task you set out.
Role Two is the KEEPER
THE KEEPER is the person responsible for overseeing the system. You are the maintenance person. Oftentimes a system that is being used daily can get cluttered or used inappropriately from its original intentions. You keep the area. Or if there is someone responsible in your home assign this role to them.
For example. A shoe rack is for shoes. But other items may land there and pile up. If you are the keeper then you clear the area and instruct the users to put away what doesn't belong. This doesn't happen every day. If it is, then your system isn't working or the communication isn't happening. This should only happen every once in a while. If it's happening more then consider doing some tweaking to make it easy to use.
When keeping your system you want to reset it AND RECOMMUNICATE to the users what the rules are.
This will sound like “remember this area is for shoes. You get one pair here and the rest stay in your closet. I see lots of things that don’t belong. I see that your backpack keeps ending up here. Do you need a space for that so it isn't hanging out with the shoes too long?
When reminding a spouse try to remind them of the positives.
This will sound like “ Hey, remember when we set this up and I wanted to be able to spend more time with you and less time cleaning and being aggravated? I’d love for that to keep happening. Would you mind taking care of that for me so i can do other things instead of being the shoe wrangler?
Take the responsibility of assuring your hard work stays the way you need it to Momma!
Put these steps on repeat for each pain point and start to love your home life. Download this free note taking guide to help!
Join me on my instagram to learn how I use my screen cash system to keep our days on track!
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