Finding More Room, Even When You Are At Your Limit.
This concept really hit me when I started having babies. Especially that third one just hit different! ha! They steal your whole world in the actual best way. But, that leaves you with little other means to have any other outlet for creativity in your life. This can especially be true if your baby came on top of something that was already established in your life like a ministry, a career, a business, or commitment.
So how then? How can we make room for what we feel like God is calling us to, our aspirations, having a side hustle, or even just having a healthy home. This is a concept I call creating capacity.
CAPACITY - "THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT THAT SOMETHING CONTAIN OR PRODUCE."
When you read that did you say to yourself "Yep, I feel like I'm at my limit." - I know girl! How can you possibly take on more when your plate feels full and your body is so tired. Let's do some thinking together right now. If you promise to open your mind and be a creative thinker for just a sec, I promise this can help you.
Evaluate where you are at. What is currently your responsibility. Make list of all the things that are your commitment or responsibility. This might look like house chores, kiddo drop offs and pick ups, working hours, ministry rolls, volunteer positions, or caring for a relative. Its going to seem like a lot written down, but those big roles are fuuuullllll of tiny tasks.
Okay, next look at your list and answer this question as honestly as possible. Is there a sore spot in my home that is stealing my time and energy? This could be mounds of laundry, cooking without a plan, constantly cleaning up the same mess, fights you keep having with a spouse, frustrating tasks that are hard to accomplish because of a messy area, behavior of a child, constant battles around a certain time of the day.
ALL OF THESE CAN BE AUTOMATED OR ELIMINATED WITH A SYSTEM.
Here is a walk through of how to take each pain point and automate the aggravations out of your day. Let's talk about why this is the key to the door that your have been jiggling the handle on for a long time.
As you were writing your list you probably saw how full your plate is with things that just can't be moved off. So, let's shift the thought for a second. When your mom was serving your plate as a child often you didn't have an option of what your were going to eat. She served you and you got what you got. In the same way now, there might not be a lot of control over what is on your plate, BUT there is control in the portion of each item. If you can lessen what has been served in each category then you won't have to eat as much of things you don't like. When you don't eat so much during dinner it leaves room for DESSERT! So, how do you make your portions smaller and open up capacity in your life.
WAYS TO OPEN UP CAPACITY
SAY NO - If you have not learned this word yet, it is very freeing. It doesn't have to sound rude. Just say "I don't think having this on my plate right now will really serve my family. Is there any other way I can help?" Then you state the boundaries by what that help looks like. For example. If you are asked to work in the nursery at church on a weekly basis and in the depths of your heart you know that would be a strain, try saying - "Serving that much isn't really and option for me right now with some other things I have going on. Can I help finacially in anyway? Or could I serve once a month? Or could I be a call-in if someone doesn't show up? Can I help prep crafts during the week?" Those are all ways to design how it would benefit your family better and you are still being helpful.
DELEGATE - hand off a piece of your responsibility to someone you can trust. If you need to let go a little and give some trust to someone else that is OKAY. Just except that it might not get done your way and that's okay too. You can take time to train that person and then just oversee the process. For example. I will fold the laundry, but my son is in charge of putting it away. That saves me so much time in the week. He might not put the stack of towels perfectly in the cabinet, but IT'S DONE! Several positive things came from that even if it wasn't perfect. Also, have conversations with your spouse about rolls in the home and define what is your responsibility and what they would be willing to take on.
CREATE A SYSTEM - now let's talk about what is left on the list. What feels like joy or not too terrible to deal with? Great! Leave those alone. What feels HORRIBLE and there is dread attached to it? This might be a major pain point for your family that just repeats over and over again. THOSE THINGS NEED A SYSTEM. In simple terms, it's a plan that has the boundaries, resources, and communication around it that it needs to help you thrive. Giving these pain points a system really will help you to automate the aggravations away. It will also restore joy! I go over exactly how to do that in the post linked above, but here is an example.
Every single night at dinner time my child has an absolute meltdown. They are tired, they don't want their food, and I'm stressed because of their mood and the mess around me. I also worry they are not eating enough.
Take this pain point and follow my easy steps to design a system. Again, that is linked above but let's take a look at what the outcome can do for you.
So, instead of dreading dinner time everyday - yelling, fighting, begging your kid to eat - you are going to change the set up. First, you decide - I'm going to move dinner time an hour earlier, then all screens will be off before and during dinner. 15 minutes before dinner is done being cooked we will do a family clean up in the living area and kitchen. AND, I'm going to set up a behavior chart for those who try everything on their plate to earn a reward.
THAT IS A SYSTEM. You decided what needed to change, set it up, communicated to the people around you how it would work, and you got it done with less stress.
Now you have more one on one time during meals without tears, your area is clean and ready to head into bedtime, and your child is eating more food so you don't have to stress.
That just opened up capacity for you in your time, emotions, and mind! Love it!
Now repeat that step for all the pain points and your can start to incorporate those things that you have had on hold, momma. The plans, the aspriations, the calling, the creativity, the income. Now, you have room! You can produce and fill the areas with THINGS THAT BRING YOU JOY.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DO! but one last tip before your leave!
+++++ A HUGE WAY TO GAIN CAPACITY IS IN YOUR HEALTH!!!!!
The process looks exactly the same. Taking each of your pain points in how your body is feeling and addressing them one by one. This, in fact, may actually need to come first before anything else. If Momma isn't feeling good, NO ONE IS!
If you need peace emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or physically - create a plan to get help and to help yourself. The best way to do that is to reach out for help if you feel overwhelmed.
A great place to connect to some resources is on my instagram. I started this journey not too long ago and I'm always sharing about how clean living is helping me gain so much capacity in my life. When im not drained and feeling horrible I can do so much more and so can you! See you over there friend. Send me a message there and I'd love to help set up a plan for you!
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